Confessions Of An Old Soul

Here’s the thing! I have been mislabeled and misunderstood by a lot around me and I am sure some of you will be saying, I relate! You can call this a confession, or a few experiences clubbed or maybe just something coming straight from the heart and the pen of someone who does not identify with this generation’s idea of love, someone who is a bit too philosophical, solitary and absurd for the world to understand. Call it what you will, but this is something that I have wanted say for a while and today I finally will!

As I said, I don’t identify with this generation’s idea of love and so do I not identify with a lot of other things and as this is a confession, I want to tell you a few things which others might find normal or relate to but I find hard to believe or try or agree with. There are times when I feel like an outsider looking at the society and at other times my outlook on life is questioned. Wait, I am not complaining! All I am saying is that I enjoy being who I am and I just want to be accepted for that.

I am someone who wants more peace of mind than attention, someone who longs for a simple and a calm life, someone who on days when I don’t feel like myself will watch an old favourite movie or write in my diary rather than going out with friends. Yes, I am solitary or as millennials would call it, a loner by nature and that’s because solitude gives me a different kind of high and that it’s only when I am alone that I can process my emotions and think my best thoughts. I am someone who prefers old Hindi songs, Sufi music and qawallis and won’t listen to contemporary hip hop or rap or pop music just to be cool.

I am someone who believes in her gut instinct and her intution, someone who believes in hearing someone out and offering emotional support rather than waiting to reply or give solutions because that’s the only way I know how to comfort someone who is hurting. I am someone who reads rather than watching a movie, someone who thinks comprehension and not communication is key and someone who feels a bit differently about the world.

To be honest, I thank the universe for making me different, for making me an old soul, for giving me the courage to accept myself for who I am and for that burning desire in me for making people see me for who I am. I don’t make friends easily but when I do, I make sure they see me as I am and if only they have the heart to accept me for me, they can stay.

I wrote this today because I feel some people are old souls and we want to be seen and accepted as such. I have been called ‘crazy’ for thinking that I can feel people’s energy, been called ‘way too stubborn’ when I did not go to a trip despite my friends’ consistent efforts because I didn’t feel like it, have been called a ‘recluse’ for needing to have alone time, been called a ‘rebel’ when I got a tattoo on my chest because I really wanted to, have been called ‘a weirdo’ for believing in alternate things and you know what? I don’t let it get to me because being true to yourself and not compromising is the best thing you can do to yourself.

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